Friday, April 25, 2014

New Hair, New Outlook

Before I lopped off my hair, I thought of Frida Kahlo's Self Portrait with Cropped Hair.

I thought the end of Hub's project would bring peace and relaxation to our home, but instead it stirred up some serious questions about living in Rio. Such as how much longer are we going to stay here? Are we going to stay here until the Olympics in 2016? Do we want to stay in Rio permanently?

I know this is the experience of a lifetime, but moving here was harder than I had imagined. I had this preconceived notion that it would be love at first site and that I would transform into a Carioca overnight. It's particularly hard because I know how much Hub loves it here and how excited he was to get me down here. And although we are on this journey together, are experiences couldn't be anymore different. What's already familiar to him, is new to me. He's revelling in working in Rio, whereas I'm struggling with not working. And for a Capricorn that's hard.

Sure it was a delight at first, like an extended holiday in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. But after awhile not working starts taking it's toll. I can feel it chipping away at my motivation and productivity which is an uncomfortable feeling. A fear that I could get used to this, doing nothing. Hub hates when I say that I do nothing. Even though I write to you dear diary and I help with SCWC sometimes, I do feel like I do nothing. When people ask "so what do you do" I feel embarrassed to say "I blog, I read a lot about nutrition and healthy recipes, and exercise." I sound like some privileged housewife with no kids. I mean doesn't it? I'm not working because I don't have my work visa yet, but hopefully soon.

And it's not just the lack of work that's getting to me, but the absence of close friends and family makes this a lonely place. We have met some wonderful people here who are already friends for life, but what I miss is the history between old friends that takes time to build. I miss my close knit group of girls that are always there and I miss calling Erin at the drop of a hat and asking her to meet me for a drink at Ten Bells.

Sometimes I feel like an ungrateful teenager, whining about my life in Rio. I guess the grass is always greener, even coming from a beautiful beach city with year round summer. I'm in a happy place now and I can feel the tide turning. Things are on the up as we transition from temporary to permanent. So going back to that Frida painting, when I was cutting my hair I was going through a bit of a dip. I wanted to come out of it and I thought I'm going to cut my hair. I'd been wanting to do it for so long, now seemed like a good time. New hair, new outlook.

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